by Daniel Whyte III
This letter will probably be the most controversial letter that I write you. However, I hope that you read it and take heed to it.
In this letter, I want to talk to you about one of the most important issues in life for the young black man or any man for that matter, and that is his relationship with the women folk. The older you get, the more you will realize how important it is to understand how to deal with women. A good woman can help you become a great success in life; a bad woman can not only make your life miserable, but she can ruin your life as well. It is as simple as that. Notice what the wisest man who ever lived said:
“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.”
— Proverbs 12:4
“For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit.”
— Proverbs 23:27
My dear brother, there are some things that you need to know about dealing with women folk that will help you avoid much trouble and sorrow, and that will help you find the right woman as your life’s mate. The following are some things that you will want to keep in mind as you deal with the women folk:
1. Understand that women are designed by God to be a help and a blessing to man, not a hinderance.
2. Think with your big head; not with your little head. In other words, don’t let your life be driven by sex, but rather by God’s Word, and what is right. Too many young and old men today love sex more than they love God. My old school fellows and I used to call men like this “sex-whipped.” Well, it was a little bit more graphic than that, but I can’t go there here.
3. Everything that glitters ain’t gold. It is a tragedy, but true, that most pretty and fine women are not good for you. You had better learn and learn quickly to get past the exterior and find out about the interior. Beautiful women are a dime-a-dozen, seriously. God made them beautiful and voluptuous. But what you want, son, and what you had better get in a woman is a woman of virtue, integrity, trustworthiness and honor, if you want to have peace of mind in this life. Because if you fool around and get yourself a woman who is beautiful on the outside, yet on the inside she is full of lies, cheating, rebellion, stubbornness, disrespect, manipulation, etc., etc., you will have hell to pay! Mark my words.
Notice what Solomon says on this subject from the Book of Proverbs in the Holy Bible:
“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”
— Proverbs 31: 30
“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”
— Proverbs 31:10
4. As you are in the process of looking for that special someone, please put God first and the search for the right lady second. Jesus said, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33).
5. Don’t be afraid of women nor be intimidated by women. They are just women. Love them, talk to them, lead them, have fun with them, but don’t be afraid of them and don’t be intimidated by them, because as soon as a woman detects that you are afraid of her or intimidated by her, you are doomed.
6. I want to say to you also something that may be a shock to you, and that is: YOU ARE THE PRIZE TOO. Yes, to find a good woman is a prize indeed, but contrary to what one might think, it is also a prize for a woman to find a good man in this day and time. And considering the male/female ratio in the black community, a woman finding a good man is more of a prize. So don’t sell yourself short.
7. Another secret item that will help you understand the women folk is the simple, untold, truth that women desire men just as much as men desire women I am not only talking about in emotional, financial and romantic ways, but physically as well. This is just a normal thing that our Creator put in both the male and the female. So do not buy the myth that you have to bow to women and beg her to get interested in you. She may already be interested.
8. Take note with me the kind of men most women really like. And for some strange reason, it is not the soft, apologizing, shuffling, sweet, little, sugary man she is looking for. Good women like real men. Notice some things women like in men:
A. Confident, but not arrogant.
B. Cool, not hot-headed.
C. One who knows where he is going.
D. One who does not let women control and manipulate him. Women don’t like weak-back men.
E. A clean and neat dresser.
F. One who can share his true feelings well.
G. One who is authentic.
H. A man who “knows” how to handle her.
I. A man who can make her laugh.
J. A man who will not let her have her way all of the time.
K. A man who likes to have sex often and who enjoys sex.
9. Here is something to keep in mind, that is not popular with men or women today: In your relationship with the woman in your life, be the leader: “Be the head and not the tail.” Don’t be the follower. Understand, son, that God made you to be the leader of the relationship. This does not mean, in any way, that you have the right to be abusive or to mistreat her, however.
Lovingly insist that your relationship be this way because God intended for it to be this way. If you are a strong, loving leader, a “good woman” will not mind, at all, lining up with your leadership. Deep down in their heart of hearts, good, decent women appreciate strong, loving, decisive male leadership, and they despise or will eventually despise a man who is not a strong leader and who lets her control him and manipulate him. In fact, I know of countless cases where women left easy, soft, weak, “nicey, nicey” men who let them have their way, for strong, decisive men who did not let them have their way all of the time. It is a strange situation, but what I am telling you is true. Be a strong, loving man who knows where he is going, knows what he wants, who can think independently, and who does not allow women to hinder him. Strangely, women will be greatly attracted to you if you genuinely exude that kind of personality.
10. Contrary to what is popular today, pray for a good woman and marry young. This waiting until you are thirty and thirty-five years old is not wise. Get yourself a young, beautiful girl and marry her while you are young. This will save you a host of temptations and problems, and one of the great side benefits is that your children will be grown while you are still young. Brother man, if you don’t have the gift of celibacy, which you probably don’t have, please marry young. If you don’t, you will probably end up doing things, sexually speaking, that you will regret the rest of your life. Do not think holding out for as long as you can is the best way.
I could write an entire book on this subject. But for now, just remember these things as you deal with the opposite sex.
Dealing With The Women Folk Well,
“God save us from wives who are angels in the street, saints in the church, and devils at home.”
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
— Proverbs 14:1
“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”
— Proverbs 21:9
“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”
— Proverbs 21: 19
“Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”
— Proverbs 31:30
“Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness.”
— Proverbs 30:20
“Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it.”
“If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself.”